Friday, February 27, 2009


This is perhaps the most important blog I will ever make in my life. We are in the midst of a serious crisis of an unknown magnitude. It affects us all. We need to stand up and say NO MORE!!

Fair warning that the following blog may prove disturbing to some viewers. I won't say I'm sorry because you need to be aware of the very real danger we are all in today. You may be asking yourself "What could it be?" Economic meltdown? Russia attacking? Complete global collapse of the financial markets? Bad hair day? It's much, much worse. Brace yourselves. You may want to either sit down or grab a vodka, cuz it's about to get real ugly up in here.

80s fashion is making a comeback. It's been seen on runways and now, it's available in catalogs. Click here, but only if you have that vodka. Yeah. That's a pair of acid-washed, high-waisted skinny jeans. For sale. TODAY. In a real store. For $70. Or for another fright, click here. Yeah. Those pants are pegged, french-rolled, good goddamn. The sad thing is, the further you go, it just keeps going wrong. And in case you think it's just the swanky places that are infected, better go check out the local Target. Yikes. Really? This could only get worse if they had leg warmers. Oh...wait. They DO!!! Starting to get a little frightened hunh? Yeah. Maybe right now you're thinking...well, they won't bring back the shoes, right? Because those were awful. Keep dreaming, sunshine.

If the hair comes back, I'm leaving.


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Blog for Beth

As my dear friend Beth (who, by the way, Happy Birthday!!) reminded me so kindly, I need to get up off my rump and do a blog entry. I've been a very naughty blogger (maybe I should switch to one of these layouts). It's just that when there isn't a garden to blog about, I'm so damn boring. But I shall do as I've been ordered and try to come up with something moderately entertaining. I cannot promise true entertainment. It would be a lie.

Because I'm very much behind the curve of life in general, I never actually watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So, about 10 years later, my friends convinced me that I should check it out. Fortunately, Brenda is a Buffy-o-phile (is that a word??) and she loaned me the entire series along with Angel. It's good to have friends. Especially ones that give you things. I've been watching off and on and am now in the fourth season. While corny, it is the delicious kind of corny that I love. Makes me smack my lips in delight.

To add to the randomness that is at my core of being, I shall now rudely switch topics. I was recently in Denver for an AAFS conference. This is basically a huge gathering of forensic type people. I had a pretty good time, although it would have been much better with friends. I was so starving for anything not related to sitting in my hotel room. Although room service is a truly beautiful, awesome thing. I wanted to get a beer one night and realized the prices were pretty insane. For a 6-pack of beer (standard domestic, nothing fancy), it would have cost nearly $30. I did not therefore order a beer.

I decided because I am an adult and I do not need to be a hermit, I would put my big boy pants on and head to the hotel bar. Maybe I would make friends. I do not believe I am generally a troll, so thought I wouldn't frighten too many patrons. I sat down and chose a draft beer (thinking of prices of course). The small stroke I had at the price did not, fortunately, kill too many brain cells. Well, maybe. It was $5.50 or $5.75. I've actually blocked it out because of the pain. Hermit-ness really is an underrated activity. I did not therefore return to the hotel bar. Hotel room aren't so bad, really. And if I dared, I could have been so brave as to rent a movie for the bargain price of $12.95. No, not even THAT kind of movie. Just a regular ol' movie. I did not therefore rent a movie.

So, I was starving for a little self-validation. As in "really, I am not a troll that repulses and reviles, dammit I have friends". Luckily for me, Beth's birthday was today and I was invited to Weston, Missouri last night for a pre-birthday celebration. They have beer there. And apparently only one restaurant, but that's a story for another day. The pub was kick-ass. Although I am Italian, I deigned to sing along with the Irish songs. In checking out the links for Weston, I found this. WHY DID WE NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS? Nikki, I blame you. We could have done that for your birthday!! We like pirates. They save the world. Didn't know that did you? Check this out. It's on the internet, so it's totally true.

Ok, I think I've hyperlinked enough to satisfy the masses that read this. And if not, hump it. (Wait, maybe I really DO repulse and revile!) Someone should tell me these things.